Celebrating National Psychotherapy Day

It's National Psychotherapy Day today- the first one ever- and I'll be celebrating by heading, just as I do every other week, to my therapist's office. Why? Because I firmly believe getting my own therapy is an important part of my job as a music  therapist. 

Knowing who I am and what kind of emotional baggage I'm carrying around with me helps me be present and attentive to the clients I serve when I show up to provide music therapy.

When my clients do their best to avoid hearing me invite them to look at a belief they're strongly committed to (sometimes even going so far as to literally stick their fingers in their ears), when they fall asleep mid-session because something we're addressing feels way too overwhelming, when they fight mightily against change...I have a pretty good idea of what it's like. I've felt and done the same (okay, maybe I don't actually stick my fingers in my ears or fall asleep in therapy, but I can be pretty darned noisy if I don't want to know something). 

I'll be honest with you: I am uncomfortable recommending any music therapist I know who hasn't spent at least some time looking at his/her own issues in therapy. I mean, what are we communicating to our clients if we think we're above getting our own therapy? If we, essentially, perpetuate the attitude of stigmatization associated with taking care of one's emotional and mental health? 

One of the (many) reasons I loved the HBO show In Treatment was that the writers made sure the therapist, Paul Weston, went (even though he was kicking and screaming the whole way and was more of a pain in his own sessions than any of his clients ever were in theirs)  for his own therapy! 

Psychotherapy for therapists goes beyond the usual nice, self-care sorts of things we tend to talk about in music therapy circles (you know...the whole getting a massage, taking regular vacations, taking a bubble bath and the like). It's an ongoing commitment to self-discovery, a recognition that, yes, we can and do get in our own (as well as our clients') ways, and figuring out how to (much as we may bravely resist) make changes in our perceptions and ideas about our selves, our lives, and our relationships. 

So, good people, with a grateful nod to Ryan Howes (a blogging buddy who shares his insights over at the Psychology Today blogs as well as being a contributing editor at the Psychotherapy Networker), I invite you to consider how you might join in the acknowledgement and celebration of National Psychotherapy Day. 

After all, mental health and self-awareness are most certainly worthy of celebration!

"He's not cranky- he's mischievous."

Her exact words were "he hasn't been cranky- he's been mischievous!" 


I was thinking about what she'd said the previous day about S as we started our session.  As his support staff, she probably was finding him to be rather frustrating. But, in my mind, there has to be a reason for it. 


What does it mean when someone's being mischievous? What if he's learning to assert himself? What if this means he now has enough of a sense of 'self' to assert? And he's not there yet, but he's trying to figure out what having a 'self' means?


That's kind of cool!

Now, back to S in his music therapy session. He was very quiet. His music was also quiet- contemplative, more interactive (in contrast to his usual energetic crashing and playing with great energy and a few brief pauses). He didn't play when I played. He was clear that this was a conversation, not a jam session where we play together. 


Self and other. Separate beings.


Wow. A major developmental step!

A modern chorus line (Photo credit: Wikipedia

A part at the very end of the first song from A Chorus Line ("I Hope I Get It") came to my mind as we stood together (a part which, frustratingly, they didn't include in the video I'm linking):

Who am I anyway? 

Am I my resume? 

That is a picture of a person I don't know. 

What does he want from me? 

What should I try to be? 

So many faces all around, and here we go. 

I need this job. 

Oh, God, I need this show.

I sang it for him, and I talked a little bit about the context for the song. It's sung by a man auditioning for a part as a dancer in a chorus line- which, to me anyway, seems to be a sort of anonymous group of dancers in a Broadway play- the goal of which is to be as uniform and in unison as possible. The character who sang this section of the song was thinking about his identity. I interpreted the lyrics as saying here's a man who is trying to come to terms with the face, the persona he has to present in order to get a job as a dancer.

I connected it to how I thought perhaps S might feel as a man with a disability who lives in an instituionalized setting. Having to put on a face (a persona), perceived by people, based on his behaviors and what is written about him in the institutional paperwork. 


Perhaps he too is wondering: who am I anyway? Who or what defines me? How do I define myself? And what does it mean in terms of safety, my identity as a man, as a disabled person?

Again, his musical responses (taps on the drum or tambourine) were very thought out and short.

We had about 5 minutes to go. I invited S to help me know if I'd been on the right track (by glancing my way) or if not (by making a sound). After a while, he looked my way, and he went slowly to the door and walked out.

Thinking he was done with me (and that either I was way off and misunderstood him- or he needed a bathroom, or maybe he felt a bit overwhelmed), I packed up my stuff. 


I was just about to follow him out, when he reappeared at the door!

He came back over, and I took out my guitar again. I sang a goodbye, in it telling him how excited I was for him. This is a truly important, although difficult, period in his life- one with the potential to offer him growth and a deeper self-awareness. He stayed until we finished, tapped the tambourine goodbye, and we walked slowly back to the day area.

Once we got there, he hovered near me (he doesn't usually). Then he reached into my instrument bag and borrowed the tambourine again, tapped it a few more times, put it back in the bag, and he headed off slowly in a different direction. 


See you later, S. 

Thank you!

I want to interrupt this (not so) regularly scheduled blog to thank you, kind readers! My follower list just hit the big 50! 

(And, with any luck, in five more years, so will I!)

Image via Wikipedia

Welcome to all of you, and thanks so much for supporting the Mindful Music Therapist!

Is this the end?

I had a strange experience today.  I actually had to say to one of my clients that we’ve gone about as far as we can go.  I didn’t want to have to say that to him, but it’s true.  We’ve worked together for about 19 years, and there really isn’t much else I can offer him other than my presence.  

It’s not as if he doesn’t have issues (I mean, who doesn’t have issues?).  It’s mostly that he seems to be letting me know that we aren’t going to be doing any more music therapy.  I can’t say I blame the man.  How much therapy can a person stand in his lifetime (well, some of us can stand a lot, I guess)?

I’m not sure whether he’s ready to actually stop coming to sessions.   I’m fairly certain he values our relationship a great deal.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen him rush up to other people and take their elbows and pull them to the door.  And I know I’m not the only person who takes him out of the cottage.  

I’m not sure how I feel about this.    

As it happens I just said “goodbye” to another long-term client (admittedly, since it’s an institution, the majority of my work with people is long-term...VERY long-term) who has been gradually moving toward ending in the past three or four years.  I still run into him regularly, because I work with other people in his cottage (which has to be weird for him- I know it’s weird for me).  In the last month or so, as we’ve gone from sessions to checking in to just saying “hi,” he’s needed to avoid me.  It hurts to be rejected, but I understand that he needs to do that.  

We had an amazing last session.  We didn’t exactly plan for it to be The Last Music Therapy Session, but I think we both knew it was.  It was joyful, it was celebratory, and it was moving.  Considering this particular person has not been feeling physically well for a rather long time, it seemed clear to me that he and I were absolutely in sync on this closing.  He was more animated during this ending session than I’ve seen him be in almost a year.   It felt to me as if he had the kind of goodbye he might have liked to have had when his family sent him off to live at our facility (back when he was a youngster- he’s in his 40s now).  

I so value both of these men.  They have allowed me into their lives, they’ve used the music, they’ve grown, and they are loving, sensitive guys who care about other people.  Both men also enjoy laughter and playfulness.  What wonderful gifts they bring with them (and they have shared with me) as they move on from our time together!  And what a collection of feelings- joy, sadness, pride, excitement, and a bit of nervousness- I feel as I begin to let them go.